Do you realize?

Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

from "Do You Realize?" by the Flaming Lips (Video #11 here - the 450k version sounds great if your internet connection can handle it).

I remember being a new father and listening to that cd in the car and having to skip that track because I couldn't bear the thought while seeing my baby in the rear-view mirror. Five years later, this song still hits me but I'm getting better at taking the blow. 

Yesterday, I went to a memorial service for a former classmate of mine. As Matt struggled with his health over the last year or two, I would receive and pass along updates on his condition through the website that I set up for my high school class to keep in touch. Matt and I were never very close, but I was able to empathize not only with him but also his parents. There can be no greater pain than losing a child. Of that much, I'm certain.

One of the earliest nightmares that you have to come to terms with as a child is the realization that at some point, your parents will die. It's something that most of us have many, many years to prepare and brace for. Matt was born with cystic fibrosis and not given long to live by the doctors. The fact that he far exceeded expectations, living to the age of 36, was probably some small consolation to his family but it's still a devastating loss that I hope I never have to endure.

Something that really struck me as I watched the slide-show of Matt's photos was the realization that some day my own photo collection would probably be shown at a similar service. What pictures would be chosen? Who would be in the photos with me? Who would step up to the podium to eulogize and tell stories about me? Would there be funny stories about the good times to help lighten the mood and help everyone feel better? Would there be poignant stories to make tears well up?

I've concluded that the only way to plan a wonderful funeral or memorial service for myself is by simply living my life as well as I possibly can. Undeniably, there are "toxic" people that don't need to be made part of one's life, but generally there is nothing to be gained by holding grudges. In fact, that's the easy way out. It takes real courage and effort to swallow your pride and mend fences.

I'm currently working on a plan for another Greely class of 91 get-together in early July. It's great to see people that went 13 years before our first class reunion now looking forward to getting together several times a year to share stories and laughter. There will be pictures taken, and maybe some of those photos will end up being shown at a slide show at my own memorial service in the hopefully distant future. I hope you're all there to see it except for my mother and father. I wouldn't wish that on any parent.

Comments

[Amy Brown]

thank you for this lovely post. You've articulated many, many recent thoughts I've been mulling around. Wish I was there to share a drink and to pick slugs.

And I mean everything except the slugs part.

take care,
A